I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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