That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
