I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
