I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
