just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
