Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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