It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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