When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize