I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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