I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
