last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
