i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
