Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize