Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
