he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
