Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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