Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
