Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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