I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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