my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
