if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
