In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
