Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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