You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
