There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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