I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
