Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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