And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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