Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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