I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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