john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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