So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
