Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
