he wants to bone in the snuggie
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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