Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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