We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need to calm my uterus...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
