the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
