lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We have started to decorate penises.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
