What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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