so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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