i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
