dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
