It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
