I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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