Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
