Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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