if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Enjoy the penises
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
