i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
