Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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