First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
