its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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