Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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