I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have tasted many bathrooms
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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