Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
