Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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