it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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