If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
