somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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