Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
