I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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