I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
