maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
