OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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