I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
