I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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