did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
