I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
