Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
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Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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