im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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