How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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