3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
