he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
