dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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