I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
