You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
