Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
