How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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