It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
