I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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