I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
