You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
