bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
