shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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