guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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