so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
