We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
