dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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