Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
